It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
