Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
