Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
