He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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