So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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