I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
