farters have to be the big spoon...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We talked him into tasing himself.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
