i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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