I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
