You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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