in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
