I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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