even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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