i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
