things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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