Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
