Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
