Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
