I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
