there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
