if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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