bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
