JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
