I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
