i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
