Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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