just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
