well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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