Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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