As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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