don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
