Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
