mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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