Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
