Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
