she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
No subtext here. People are naked.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
how does that bad decision feel?
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