The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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