I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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