$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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