I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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