just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
