I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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