i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
