What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize