I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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