Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
