Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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