a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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