Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
