Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
