she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
