Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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