Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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