just tell him i said nine months
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize