The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
