did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
