I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize