Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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