I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
