I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
