What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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