i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
