So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
