Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
