Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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