Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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